this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
