don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
