I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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