Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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