im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
