nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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