It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
