Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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