It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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