I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
