My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
