i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
