If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
