If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
