You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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