me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
