Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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