im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm having to shit out rocks
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
