Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
