I think I died a long time ago.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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