You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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