you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
