She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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