so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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