I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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