he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
