he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
