I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize