mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
