Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
