haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
