It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
