I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
