Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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