My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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