This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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