Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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