Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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