There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
