i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize