I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
