I showed him my bush... on skype.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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