Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
