I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
