i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
