I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
