i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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