my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
