Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
