umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
