i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
