ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So vagazzling was a success
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My feet surprised me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize