its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
