Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
