Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
