i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
