College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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