Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
