Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
