i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
