at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
