I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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