He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Jerry, you need to find god
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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